Please forgive me...

During our Thursday morning staff Bible study this past week, something hit me in the gut – bigtime!  We’ve been talking about essentials of effective prayer for the last 5 weeks as staff. I’ve been learning a lot and seeing prayer in a new way. My Bible study group that meets on Tuesday evenings just finished a study on living like you belong to God and next week we will begin a study on forgiveness/breaking free from the power of the past. You might wonder how these all tie together, right? Well, I am not wondering anymore. God is doing a work in my heart and boy it is beginning to hurt.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” 
Romans 12:15

For those that know us well, you will know that we have been on a somewhat difficult and discouraging journey for the past 4 years. A journey that more and more couples today are struggling with – need I say more? To many, this verse probably comes relatively naturally. I certainly don’t have a hard time with weeping with those who weep but it’s the first part of the verse that God is challenging me with.

There have been many women, some even very close friends who have shared wonderful news with me during the last few years of the blessing of expanding their family. Facebook is prime outlet for this kind of news – close friends, acquaintances, someone I attended high school with years ago.

This post is for you…

First of all, I need to ask for your forgiveness. Though my outward words and reaction to your news may have seemed pure and genuine, I can tell you that there is a very good chance this was not the case. Quite honestly your news would have caused my heart to ache – a lot – more than I ever thought would ever be possible. It would have caused me to question if God really does see my heart, many nights of unexplainable “downess” that I couldn’t shake, many times where I’ve asked God if He is punishing us for something we’d done. The list could go on and on…

Don’t lose heart, friend, ABSOLUTELY none of this is your fault! As we continue on our journey and since I have really begun to study my Bible, thinking Biblically is now something that I am slowly learning to apply to my life in every circumstance. I have a very long way to go, but I want the Lord to continue to work on my heart.


Friend, I beg your forgiveness. 

Here is what God is showing me in the area of prayer:

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. ⁶  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:4-7

I have read this verse many times but had never “taken it to the bank” as my bosses say. Slowly I am learning to practice this daily. It’s really the only way to stay sane sometimes. God has recently provided the peace which I had been longing for, but only after I began to recognize my more than slightly bitter heart. Thank you Lord that You guard my heart and mind!

Here is what God is showing me in the area of difficult journeys:

³  Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.⁵ For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. ⁶ But if we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; or if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which is effective in the patient enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer; ⁷ and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings, so also you are sharers of our comfort.
2 Corinthians 1:3-7

What more can be said here, really! God knows…He sees…He is sovereign over all…He is our provider. I am learning to find comfort in Jesus during the difficult days and knowing that my God will use this part of our journey for His glory, just gives me the assurance I need to press on. I know and trust that my God is always faithful. He is breaking me in so many areas but I know that though I am a cracked vessel, broken and battered by many things in life that His light is able to shine through me. And so, I continue…putting one foot in front of the other…