April Fool's Day Reflection

My mind can't escape it. Tomorrow is April Fool's Day...a day I could have cared less about until last year when we received the phone call that after a 5.5 year journey and countless trips to a clinic in a city at least 45 minutes away that we were indeed pregnant. I remember sitting on the couch not sure whether to laugh or cry and then contemplating how I was going to call Bram to tell him. It was a surreal moment...

Many of you tracked with our journey and shared in our excitement when we let the word out about the little one that was growing inside of me just a few short weeks later! Hearing his/her heartbeat for the first time was one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard.

At our scheduled 12 week appointment we were anxious to hear the little ones heartbeat again only to receive the news that we had miscarried this sweet life. Devastation. I can still remember laying on the ultrasound table crying out to God holding Bram's hand and weeping. Our little Jaiden Skylar had gone to be with Jesus, healed and whole...yet we felt soo sooo broken.

Here we are a year later, having grown tremendously through such a difficult journey but grateful that the Lord has blessed us with a second pregnancy where I will be 32 weeks tomorrow. It's truly humbling each day to feel our son's movements inside yet I am so aware of how long I have waited for this feeling and so aware that there are many who will read this, where this may seem like a fleeting dream. My heart is with each one of you, please know that!

My reflection comes tonight in thinking about our approaching due date - May 27th. The same week last year where we learned of the loss of our first baby. Some may say coincidence, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my God is faithful. This due date is still 8 weeks away and every fibre of my being is aware that I am not in control. But each day I study the Word, I learn and affirm that God IS in control. He is sovereign over ALL things and no matter what lies ahead, I will trust His plan. I choose to reject the worry and thoughts that want to plague me on a regular basis. I have seen His faithfulness through this pregnancy. Just when I begin to be concerned, our son gives a big kick and I am again brought to my knees in honour of the One who has entrusted this little life to us.

Bram and I speak often of how excited we are to meet this little man and how our prayers are that of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1:

26 She said, “Oh, my lord! As your soul lives, my lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you, praying to the Lord.27 For this boy I prayed, and the Lord has given me my petition which I asked of Him. 28 So I have also dedicated him to the Lord; as long as he lives he is dedicated to the Lord.” And he worshiped the Lord there.

To those of you who still face the struggle of infertility, I know there is nothing that anyone (including myself) can say to take away the pain and sadness you feel so regularly. My prayer is that through all the pain you would seek the Lord and His Word. It has been through my study of the Word of God that I have begun to see God's character and how great His love is for me even when I struggle with the circumstances around me. Run into His arms with all you are. He WILL sustain you and give you wisdom in how to proceed in your journey.

Blessings friends!

Rachel

What's a Wedding Got to Do With It?

Everyone loves going to weddings, right? Especially us women! Last weekend we attended the wedding ceremony for Bram’s cousin who lives here in Canada. I don’t think I've ever met him in the years Bram and I have been together but we felt it necessary to attend the ceremony even though we hadn't been invited to the reception. Everything about the wedding was beautiful – the dress, the bride, the bridesmaid dresses....even the cowgirl boots. The venue was simplistic - a rural church in the middle of a corn field...lovely. But what has stuck with me and what I have been mulling over this week was the vows.

Yes, you heard me...the vows.

I, groom, take you, bride, to be my lawfully wedded wife, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honour and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live. 

As I listened to this couple share vows similar to the ones above, I said to myself there is no way they can possibly grasp the vastness of what they are promising today. I know I certainly did not.

I think what I'm trying to say is that though we may think we understand love and what it means to have a meaningful marital relationship with our spouse on our wedding day....we really don’t....we can’t at that time actually. It is only through journeying and doing life together that we truly learn the vastness of the promises made the day we said “I do”. Love is so much more than a feeling, it’s a choice.

Reflecting back over the last 6.5 years of life with Bram brings to mind many circumstances (some good, and some bad) that the Lord allowed, filtered through His fingers of love to teach us and grow us in our relationship with each other and with our Heavenly Father. Within the first year of marriage Bram & I both struggled with our health, 3 years into ministry we more or less got asked to leave a local church because, after studying Scripture felt leadership was misinterpreting some passages, 4 years into our marriage I almost lost my husband in a severe motor vehicle accident that has left him with lasting implications even today, and for the last 5.5 years we have and continue to journey through infertility. No, this is most definitely not a sob story or a pity party! It is me taking the time to reflect and seeing the Lord’s hand at work through all of the above circumstances. It is because of these events I can say today, with confidence, that we have been brought into a deeper understanding of what it means to love...to be each other’s constant friend, to be faithful partners in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, in joy as well as sorrow, to support each other’s goals and to respect one another. Trust me, we’re not perfect and we realize that a healthy marriage takes work...daily. And to be honest...some days we stink at it. But we have come sooo far since that Saturday in early 2007 when we committed to no longer walk in this life on earth alone, but together.

What caused me to sit down and put these thoughts on paper one may wonder? It had been rolling around in my head since Saturday but today brought it all together. I was scheduled to work later tonight and knew I wouldn't see Bram before he went to play soccer. I came home early to find this...

I melted....not because it was super cute and sweet (which it totally was) but because I have the privilege of spending my life with this man, who truly loves me with all of his heart, who prays for me and who guides us towards righteousness in Christ...together. “I love you” has a whole new meaning!

The parallels between marriage and God are cool too. Can we not say the same thing about our relationship with the Lord? When we first accepted Christ as our Saviour, did we really grasp what we’d been given and freed from? Did we know how to grow stronger in our faith? The same is true with God. He allows circumstances to come into our life – all filtered through His fingers of love – to bring us into a closer relationship with Him. It’s easy to “love” someone when things are going smoothly in life, but more challenging when life seems like it’s been turned upside down. The amazing thing about God is that He is constant, He is the firm foundation upon which we stand, He is our Elohim...Creator.

If you are reading this and are not married or have experienced the pain of divorce....I ache for you. Certainly what I have just typed has moved me because of my experience. This blog is not a knock because you aren't married, but it is just me seeing God at work throughout my married life. Friend, God IS at work in your life too, through even your most painful experiences. Please see my heart in writing this...an encouragement to press into the difficult circumstances that come our way for they are building our character and drawing us into a more intimate relationship with Jesus.

“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails;”
~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Our journey continues...

April 1, 2013 – A day of complete and utter joy with the phone call that we were indeed pregnant after 5.5 years. I can remember pinching myself just to be sure it was real. He is Elohim, the Lord our creator!

May 1, 2013 – Another day that I will never forget. ..that moment when, at 8 weeks, you hear your baby’s first heartbeat. Without a doubt, THE most precious sound...a sound I was beginning to think I would never hear. He is El Hanne’eman, the Lord is faithful!

May 29, 2013 – 12 week ultrasound day. The day anyone in our shoes would look forward to but yet a day that is etched in our minds forever, one where we saw our tiny precious baby....lifeless in my womb. He is El Elyon, the Lord who is sovereign over all things!

June 6, 2013 – The day our baby’s tiny, tiny body was surgically removed from my womb and discarded, yet a day that serves as such a reminder that baby vdh is with Jesus - heart beating strong, completely healed and whole. He is Jehovah-rapha, the Lord who heals!

First of all, to those who have prayed for us faithfully over these last 13 weeks, thank you just doesn’t seem nearly enough to show our gratitude. There have been many days where I (& Bram also) have literally felt sustained by the prayers of faithful saints, fellow believers, family and friends. In doing this you have fulfilled the spiritual aspect of Galatians 6:2 which says, “Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.”

Second of all, to those who have expressed privately through email and facebook that you’ve been where we are has touched us beyond words. I now understand the pain you have quietly suffered in the months or years past. Though the ache of losing a child through miscarriage is always with us, the ache of the hopes and dreams that accompany baby vdh are also equally as hard if not harder. One sweet friend was bold enough to write to us sharing that though she has never lost a child, she understands the fading of hopes and dreams in her deep desire to marry and have a family. The Lord opened my eyes that there are so many that struggle with unfulfilled hopes and dreams.

What is ‘hope’? Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines hope with the following words...

• To cherish a desire with anticipation
• To desire with expectation of obtainment
• To expect with confidence

Many have asked in the last weeks how we are doing or how we are feeling. 9 times out of 10 I have responded with this, “we are broken, but not without hope...hope that one day we will spend eternity with our Lord and our precious baby.” How can I be assured of this hope? Because hope is written of often in the Word of God. See?

Psalm 38:15 ~ “For I hope in You, O Lord; You will answer, O my Lord.”

Psalm 62:5 ~ “My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him.”

Psalm 71:14 ~ “But as for me, I will hope continually, and will praise You yet more and more.”

Psalm 130:5 ~ “I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait, and in His word do I hope.”

Jeremiah 29:11 ~ “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope.’”

Lamentations 3:21-24 ~ “This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning;  great is Your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I have hope in Him.’”

Romans 5:1-5 ~ “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope;  and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

Romans 8:24-25 ~ “For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.”

Romans 15:4 ~ “For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.”

Hebrews 3:6 ~ “but Christ was faithful as a Son over His house—whose house we are, if we hold fast our confidence and the boast of our hope firm until the end.”

Hebrews 6:19-20 ~ “This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil, where Jesus has entered as a forerunner for us, having become a high priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek.”

Hebrews 10:23 ~ “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful;”

Note:  All scripture references are from the New American Standard version with emphasis added.

Are you still with me? My prayer is that you are! I don’t want to leave this post to end with the Scriptures in case some of you opt to skip over it! It’s great to read all of these Scriptures but it has to move beyond head knowledge to heart knowledge. So let’s quickly summarize some of the things we can see in these passages starting from the top by taking words directly from the text...

1.  Our hope must be IN the Lord.
2. Our hope is FROM the Lord.
3. Hope and praise go together.
4. Our hope is IN His Word (the Bible).
5. His plans for us are of welfare, not calamity; to give us a future and a hope.
6. We have hope in God’s lovingkindnesses – they never cease. His compassions never fail.
7. The Lord is our portion therefore we have hope in Him.
8. We exult in hope of the glory of God.
9. Hope comes out of character proven by persevering through tribulations.
10. Hope does not disappoint!
11. In hope we have been saved.
12. Hope is something unseen.
13. We have hope through the encouragement and instruction of Scripture.
14. We need to boast of our hope firm until the end.
15.  The hope we have is an anchor of the soul.
16. The hope we have is steadfast.
17. We need to hold fast the confession of our hope WITHOUT wavering.

Isn’t it beautiful, the things we see when we slow down and digest these verses! In my darkest of moments, and trust me, they are real, I cling to the promises in His Word and am revived and comforted (Psalm 119:50). I also fix my eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen...for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:18)

One other sweet reminder of hope is the Build-a-Bear we made together after we found out that baby vdh went to be with Jesus. This bear is by no way a replacement of the life we looked forward to bringing into this world, but having the baby’s 8 week heartbeat inside is a constant reminder that this sweet heart is still beating...actually it NEVER stopped beating.

By no means do I want this blog post to seem like I have it all together – I don’t.  I am certain this has been and will continue to be one of the toughest circumstances we have faced thus far in married life. No, we definitely don’t understand our long journey or our loss, but God does and because He is El Roi, the God who sees and El Shaddai, the all-sufficient one, we run with ALL we are into His arms.

I knew when I picked up a pen to write that there would be no stopping...more to come as the Lord leads. Feel free to leave a comment or a note. Encouragement helps my soul press on and keep writing!

In Him,

Rachel

Can I get an amen?

We have been studying prayer as a staff for the last few weeks. As I read through the last few pages in order to lead our discussion tomorrow, I came across a beautiful passage of Scripture which I have read before. I couldn't help but share it with the blog world today. A sneak peak into Paul's prayer life...

^"14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, ¹⁵ from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, ¹⁶ that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, ¹⁸ may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, ¹⁹ and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

²⁰  Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, ²¹  to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen."

~ Ephesians 3:14-21 (NASB)

Did you really take time to read those verses? If you didn't, go back....read them slow. Let them sink into you mind and your heart. WOW! Everything about this passage is powerful. Doesn't it show what an awesome God we serve? Is your prayer life that in tune with Scripture that you can pray for others as Paul did?

When I read verse 20, that is my deep and sincere prayer for a very sweet family we know whose 6 year old son Gabriel just had a bone marrow transplant to try and rid his body of the leukemia that has plagued him since he was 3 years old. Often words don't even come when I take time to pray for this little boy and his family. My heart aches for them as they journey down this difficult road. This is the perfect verse as many who know this family look to our Heavenly Father to work a miracle in Gabriel's little life. Verse 20 is worth repeating (my emphasis added)...

²⁰  Now to Him who is able (He is able!!) to do far more (far more. Not 'just enough', but FAR more!) abundantly (plentiful, infinite, big, bounteous, lavish, extensive) beyond all that we ask or think, (just because He knows our thoughts, doesn't mean we are exempt from asking and beseeching our great God) according to the power that works within us, ²¹  to Him be the glory in the church (and in Gabriel and the Smith's life) and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen."

For I know...You are faithful...my God!

Please forgive me...

During our Thursday morning staff Bible study this past week, something hit me in the gut – bigtime!  We’ve been talking about essentials of effective prayer for the last 5 weeks as staff. I’ve been learning a lot and seeing prayer in a new way. My Bible study group that meets on Tuesday evenings just finished a study on living like you belong to God and next week we will begin a study on forgiveness/breaking free from the power of the past. You might wonder how these all tie together, right? Well, I am not wondering anymore. God is doing a work in my heart and boy it is beginning to hurt.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” 
Romans 12:15

For those that know us well, you will know that we have been on a somewhat difficult and discouraging journey for the past 4 years. A journey that more and more couples today are struggling with – need I say more? To many, this verse probably comes relatively naturally. I certainly don’t have a hard time with weeping with those who weep but it’s the first part of the verse that God is challenging me with.

There have been many women, some even very close friends who have shared wonderful news with me during the last few years of the blessing of expanding their family. Facebook is prime outlet for this kind of news – close friends, acquaintances, someone I attended high school with years ago.

This post is for you…

First of all, I need to ask for your forgiveness. Though my outward words and reaction to your news may have seemed pure and genuine, I can tell you that there is a very good chance this was not the case. Quite honestly your news would have caused my heart to ache – a lot – more than I ever thought would ever be possible. It would have caused me to question if God really does see my heart, many nights of unexplainable “downess” that I couldn’t shake, many times where I’ve asked God if He is punishing us for something we’d done. The list could go on and on…

Don’t lose heart, friend, ABSOLUTELY none of this is your fault! As we continue on our journey and since I have really begun to study my Bible, thinking Biblically is now something that I am slowly learning to apply to my life in every circumstance. I have a very long way to go, but I want the Lord to continue to work on my heart.


Friend, I beg your forgiveness. 

Here is what God is showing me in the area of prayer:

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. ⁶  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:4-7

I have read this verse many times but had never “taken it to the bank” as my bosses say. Slowly I am learning to practice this daily. It’s really the only way to stay sane sometimes. God has recently provided the peace which I had been longing for, but only after I began to recognize my more than slightly bitter heart. Thank you Lord that You guard my heart and mind!

Here is what God is showing me in the area of difficult journeys:

³  Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.⁵ For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. ⁶ But if we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; or if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which is effective in the patient enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer; ⁷ and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings, so also you are sharers of our comfort.
2 Corinthians 1:3-7

What more can be said here, really! God knows…He sees…He is sovereign over all…He is our provider. I am learning to find comfort in Jesus during the difficult days and knowing that my God will use this part of our journey for His glory, just gives me the assurance I need to press on. I know and trust that my God is always faithful. He is breaking me in so many areas but I know that though I am a cracked vessel, broken and battered by many things in life that His light is able to shine through me. And so, I continue…putting one foot in front of the other…

The Start of a Lifelong Journey...

Hi! My name is Rachel and I am the newest staff member at Precept Ministries Inc and Transform Canada. Part of my job description is the Assistant to the Transform Canada Director, Mark Sheldrake. For those of you that know Mark – feel free to give me a hug if you ever meet me..haha! But seriously, I could not have wished for a better boss and/or a more supportive Godly team of co-workers to serve alongside with.

I am 25 years old and have been happily married to my husband, Bram for almost five and a half years. We live outside of town with our 7 month old puppy, Sophie. We have a passion for playing worship music and a love of hospitality, fellowship and food:) Our desire is to have a living, breathing, active and vibrant relationship with God that overflows in all we do. And so we continue on this spiritual journey…

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.”
 ~ Matthew 5:6 (NASB)

Friend, do you pass by your Bible and pick up that novel that you can’t seem to put down? Do you spend most nights plopped on the couch with a bowl of chips watching television shows or movies that leave you feeling empty afterwards? I’ve been there…and truly not that long ago! I had the privilege of growing up in a loving Christian home and I really and truly gave my heart to the Lord at the age of 16. One thing that I had never really incorporated into life was Bible study. My excuse was always not having enough time or when I did pick up my Bible, not understanding what I just read and giving up. 

I began working with Transform in November 2011 and can remember leaving my interview, after having read over the contract and realizing that weekly Bible study and participating in a class discussion was mandatory. Oh boy, I thought….daily Bible study homework. I’m never going to understand what is going on. I had almost totally written it off before I even started. I jumped in as our Tuesday afternoon class was transitioning into Jeremiah Part 2. WOW, was I ever wrong! Studying inductively helped me to have purpose and a goal during my time with God - something that people with a “perfectionist” nature (such as myself) thrive with. After really and truly walking through Jeremiah’s life and ministry and looking at the people of Israel verses such as Jeremiah 29:11 have new meaning.

“For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope...” (NASB)

This verse is quite often used to celebrate graduation in any capacity. While the verse is true, looking at the context of what is going on gives tremendous depth to the verse. Jeremiah had been prophesying to the people of Jerusalem for 23 years. His message was that of returning to God – leaving their wicked ways, not looking to false gods and a slew of other things. When chapter 29 picks up Jeremiah has sent a letter to the exiles that have been taken captive and moved to Babylon by King Nebuchadnezzar. Jeremiah spoke to them countless times but they would not heed the word of the Lord through Jeremiah. God is punishing their disobedience with 70 years of captivity. But take a look at this…

“ ⁴Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon, ⁵ ‘ Build houses and live in them; and plant gardens and eat their produce. ⁶ Take wives and become the fathers of sons and daughters, and take wives for your sons and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; and multiply there and do not decrease.  ⁷Seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf; for in its welfare you will have welfare.’” ~ Jeremiah 29:4-7 (NASB)

What does God want them to do? List them out loud…Ready?

1. Build houses and live in them
2. Plant gardens and eat their produce
3. Take wives and become fathers or sons and daughters
4. Take wives for your sons and give daughters to husbands
5. Seek the welfare of the city where you are in exile
6. Pray to the Lord on behalf of the city

These people have just seen their city completely destroyed and many have been plucked from their homeland and taken to Babylon, a foreign place. If it were me, I can guarantee that I wouldn’t be too eager to do what God is commanding they do. A pity party may even cross my mind. Build, plant, take, seek, pray – those are all actions words. In our class discussion of these verses came the phrase “LIVE IT UP!” Though God was punishing them severely for their disobedience, he didn’t want them to waste their years of captivity. Israel is God’s chosen people and in verse 10 God promises that when the 70 years have been completed in Babylon that He will visit and fulfill His good word to them and bring them back to Jerusalem. I can already picture what I would have been thinking as an Israelite, Uhmm, God…you do remember that our city is destroyed, right?  But look at verse 11 now…

“For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope...” (NASB)

Can you imagine what an encouragement this would have been for them? Wow. What you don’t see on the graduation cards is the next two verses which I think cannot be left out.

¹² ‘…Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.’ (NASB)

What is the practical application? God is always good and He cares for those that call upon, pray to and seek His heart. Notice, again, that call upon, pray and seek are all verbs…or actions words. He relentlessly pursues our hearts until we recognize our sin and, like Matthew 16:24 says “…deny ourselves, and take up our cross and follow Him”. We have a responsibility get to know our God through the study of His Word. Studying the Bible inductively gives you the tools to know God, which equals a transformed or changed life.

I can already see how my mindset is more focused, even in just a few months. The highlight of my day is usually sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea and my Bible study. Friend, I urge you not to make excuses. Will you take the challenge to establish yourself in God’s Word, one step at a time? The perfect place to start is with a resource called “Lord, Teach Me to Study the Bible in 28 Days”. In it you will learn the method of inductive Bible study and how to use it on a day-to-day basis.  It is so very rewarding and life-changing!!