What's a Wedding Got to Do With It?

Everyone loves going to weddings, right? Especially us women! Last weekend we attended the wedding ceremony for Bram’s cousin who lives here in Canada. I don’t think I've ever met him in the years Bram and I have been together but we felt it necessary to attend the ceremony even though we hadn't been invited to the reception. Everything about the wedding was beautiful – the dress, the bride, the bridesmaid dresses....even the cowgirl boots. The venue was simplistic - a rural church in the middle of a corn field...lovely. But what has stuck with me and what I have been mulling over this week was the vows.

Yes, you heard me...the vows.

I, groom, take you, bride, to be my lawfully wedded wife, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honour and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live. 

As I listened to this couple share vows similar to the ones above, I said to myself there is no way they can possibly grasp the vastness of what they are promising today. I know I certainly did not.

I think what I'm trying to say is that though we may think we understand love and what it means to have a meaningful marital relationship with our spouse on our wedding day....we really don’t....we can’t at that time actually. It is only through journeying and doing life together that we truly learn the vastness of the promises made the day we said “I do”. Love is so much more than a feeling, it’s a choice.

Reflecting back over the last 6.5 years of life with Bram brings to mind many circumstances (some good, and some bad) that the Lord allowed, filtered through His fingers of love to teach us and grow us in our relationship with each other and with our Heavenly Father. Within the first year of marriage Bram & I both struggled with our health, 3 years into ministry we more or less got asked to leave a local church because, after studying Scripture felt leadership was misinterpreting some passages, 4 years into our marriage I almost lost my husband in a severe motor vehicle accident that has left him with lasting implications even today, and for the last 5.5 years we have and continue to journey through infertility. No, this is most definitely not a sob story or a pity party! It is me taking the time to reflect and seeing the Lord’s hand at work through all of the above circumstances. It is because of these events I can say today, with confidence, that we have been brought into a deeper understanding of what it means to love...to be each other’s constant friend, to be faithful partners in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, in joy as well as sorrow, to support each other’s goals and to respect one another. Trust me, we’re not perfect and we realize that a healthy marriage takes work...daily. And to be honest...some days we stink at it. But we have come sooo far since that Saturday in early 2007 when we committed to no longer walk in this life on earth alone, but together.

What caused me to sit down and put these thoughts on paper one may wonder? It had been rolling around in my head since Saturday but today brought it all together. I was scheduled to work later tonight and knew I wouldn't see Bram before he went to play soccer. I came home early to find this...

I melted....not because it was super cute and sweet (which it totally was) but because I have the privilege of spending my life with this man, who truly loves me with all of his heart, who prays for me and who guides us towards righteousness in Christ...together. “I love you” has a whole new meaning!

The parallels between marriage and God are cool too. Can we not say the same thing about our relationship with the Lord? When we first accepted Christ as our Saviour, did we really grasp what we’d been given and freed from? Did we know how to grow stronger in our faith? The same is true with God. He allows circumstances to come into our life – all filtered through His fingers of love – to bring us into a closer relationship with Him. It’s easy to “love” someone when things are going smoothly in life, but more challenging when life seems like it’s been turned upside down. The amazing thing about God is that He is constant, He is the firm foundation upon which we stand, He is our Elohim...Creator.

If you are reading this and are not married or have experienced the pain of divorce....I ache for you. Certainly what I have just typed has moved me because of my experience. This blog is not a knock because you aren't married, but it is just me seeing God at work throughout my married life. Friend, God IS at work in your life too, through even your most painful experiences. Please see my heart in writing this...an encouragement to press into the difficult circumstances that come our way for they are building our character and drawing us into a more intimate relationship with Jesus.

“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails;”
~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Our journey continues...

April 1, 2013 – A day of complete and utter joy with the phone call that we were indeed pregnant after 5.5 years. I can remember pinching myself just to be sure it was real. He is Elohim, the Lord our creator!

May 1, 2013 – Another day that I will never forget. ..that moment when, at 8 weeks, you hear your baby’s first heartbeat. Without a doubt, THE most precious sound...a sound I was beginning to think I would never hear. He is El Hanne’eman, the Lord is faithful!

May 29, 2013 – 12 week ultrasound day. The day anyone in our shoes would look forward to but yet a day that is etched in our minds forever, one where we saw our tiny precious baby....lifeless in my womb. He is El Elyon, the Lord who is sovereign over all things!

June 6, 2013 – The day our baby’s tiny, tiny body was surgically removed from my womb and discarded, yet a day that serves as such a reminder that baby vdh is with Jesus - heart beating strong, completely healed and whole. He is Jehovah-rapha, the Lord who heals!

First of all, to those who have prayed for us faithfully over these last 13 weeks, thank you just doesn’t seem nearly enough to show our gratitude. There have been many days where I (& Bram also) have literally felt sustained by the prayers of faithful saints, fellow believers, family and friends. In doing this you have fulfilled the spiritual aspect of Galatians 6:2 which says, “Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.”

Second of all, to those who have expressed privately through email and facebook that you’ve been where we are has touched us beyond words. I now understand the pain you have quietly suffered in the months or years past. Though the ache of losing a child through miscarriage is always with us, the ache of the hopes and dreams that accompany baby vdh are also equally as hard if not harder. One sweet friend was bold enough to write to us sharing that though she has never lost a child, she understands the fading of hopes and dreams in her deep desire to marry and have a family. The Lord opened my eyes that there are so many that struggle with unfulfilled hopes and dreams.

What is ‘hope’? Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines hope with the following words...

• To cherish a desire with anticipation
• To desire with expectation of obtainment
• To expect with confidence

Many have asked in the last weeks how we are doing or how we are feeling. 9 times out of 10 I have responded with this, “we are broken, but not without hope...hope that one day we will spend eternity with our Lord and our precious baby.” How can I be assured of this hope? Because hope is written of often in the Word of God. See?

Psalm 38:15 ~ “For I hope in You, O Lord; You will answer, O my Lord.”

Psalm 62:5 ~ “My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him.”

Psalm 71:14 ~ “But as for me, I will hope continually, and will praise You yet more and more.”

Psalm 130:5 ~ “I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait, and in His word do I hope.”

Jeremiah 29:11 ~ “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope.’”

Lamentations 3:21-24 ~ “This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning;  great is Your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I have hope in Him.’”

Romans 5:1-5 ~ “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope;  and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

Romans 8:24-25 ~ “For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.”

Romans 15:4 ~ “For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.”

Hebrews 3:6 ~ “but Christ was faithful as a Son over His house—whose house we are, if we hold fast our confidence and the boast of our hope firm until the end.”

Hebrews 6:19-20 ~ “This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil, where Jesus has entered as a forerunner for us, having become a high priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek.”

Hebrews 10:23 ~ “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful;”

Note:  All scripture references are from the New American Standard version with emphasis added.

Are you still with me? My prayer is that you are! I don’t want to leave this post to end with the Scriptures in case some of you opt to skip over it! It’s great to read all of these Scriptures but it has to move beyond head knowledge to heart knowledge. So let’s quickly summarize some of the things we can see in these passages starting from the top by taking words directly from the text...

1.  Our hope must be IN the Lord.
2. Our hope is FROM the Lord.
3. Hope and praise go together.
4. Our hope is IN His Word (the Bible).
5. His plans for us are of welfare, not calamity; to give us a future and a hope.
6. We have hope in God’s lovingkindnesses – they never cease. His compassions never fail.
7. The Lord is our portion therefore we have hope in Him.
8. We exult in hope of the glory of God.
9. Hope comes out of character proven by persevering through tribulations.
10. Hope does not disappoint!
11. In hope we have been saved.
12. Hope is something unseen.
13. We have hope through the encouragement and instruction of Scripture.
14. We need to boast of our hope firm until the end.
15.  The hope we have is an anchor of the soul.
16. The hope we have is steadfast.
17. We need to hold fast the confession of our hope WITHOUT wavering.

Isn’t it beautiful, the things we see when we slow down and digest these verses! In my darkest of moments, and trust me, they are real, I cling to the promises in His Word and am revived and comforted (Psalm 119:50). I also fix my eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen...for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:18)

One other sweet reminder of hope is the Build-a-Bear we made together after we found out that baby vdh went to be with Jesus. This bear is by no way a replacement of the life we looked forward to bringing into this world, but having the baby’s 8 week heartbeat inside is a constant reminder that this sweet heart is still beating...actually it NEVER stopped beating.

By no means do I want this blog post to seem like I have it all together – I don’t.  I am certain this has been and will continue to be one of the toughest circumstances we have faced thus far in married life. No, we definitely don’t understand our long journey or our loss, but God does and because He is El Roi, the God who sees and El Shaddai, the all-sufficient one, we run with ALL we are into His arms.

I knew when I picked up a pen to write that there would be no stopping...more to come as the Lord leads. Feel free to leave a comment or a note. Encouragement helps my soul press on and keep writing!

In Him,

Rachel