Our journey continues...

April 1, 2013 – A day of complete and utter joy with the phone call that we were indeed pregnant after 5.5 years. I can remember pinching myself just to be sure it was real. He is Elohim, the Lord our creator!

May 1, 2013 – Another day that I will never forget. ..that moment when, at 8 weeks, you hear your baby’s first heartbeat. Without a doubt, THE most precious sound...a sound I was beginning to think I would never hear. He is El Hanne’eman, the Lord is faithful!

May 29, 2013 – 12 week ultrasound day. The day anyone in our shoes would look forward to but yet a day that is etched in our minds forever, one where we saw our tiny precious baby....lifeless in my womb. He is El Elyon, the Lord who is sovereign over all things!

June 6, 2013 – The day our baby’s tiny, tiny body was surgically removed from my womb and discarded, yet a day that serves as such a reminder that baby vdh is with Jesus - heart beating strong, completely healed and whole. He is Jehovah-rapha, the Lord who heals!

First of all, to those who have prayed for us faithfully over these last 13 weeks, thank you just doesn’t seem nearly enough to show our gratitude. There have been many days where I (& Bram also) have literally felt sustained by the prayers of faithful saints, fellow believers, family and friends. In doing this you have fulfilled the spiritual aspect of Galatians 6:2 which says, “Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.”

Second of all, to those who have expressed privately through email and facebook that you’ve been where we are has touched us beyond words. I now understand the pain you have quietly suffered in the months or years past. Though the ache of losing a child through miscarriage is always with us, the ache of the hopes and dreams that accompany baby vdh are also equally as hard if not harder. One sweet friend was bold enough to write to us sharing that though she has never lost a child, she understands the fading of hopes and dreams in her deep desire to marry and have a family. The Lord opened my eyes that there are so many that struggle with unfulfilled hopes and dreams.

What is ‘hope’? Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines hope with the following words...

• To cherish a desire with anticipation
• To desire with expectation of obtainment
• To expect with confidence

Many have asked in the last weeks how we are doing or how we are feeling. 9 times out of 10 I have responded with this, “we are broken, but not without hope...hope that one day we will spend eternity with our Lord and our precious baby.” How can I be assured of this hope? Because hope is written of often in the Word of God. See?

Psalm 38:15 ~ “For I hope in You, O Lord; You will answer, O my Lord.”

Psalm 62:5 ~ “My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him.”

Psalm 71:14 ~ “But as for me, I will hope continually, and will praise You yet more and more.”

Psalm 130:5 ~ “I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait, and in His word do I hope.”

Jeremiah 29:11 ~ “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope.’”

Lamentations 3:21-24 ~ “This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning;  great is Your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I have hope in Him.’”

Romans 5:1-5 ~ “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope;  and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

Romans 8:24-25 ~ “For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.”

Romans 15:4 ~ “For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.”

Hebrews 3:6 ~ “but Christ was faithful as a Son over His house—whose house we are, if we hold fast our confidence and the boast of our hope firm until the end.”

Hebrews 6:19-20 ~ “This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil, where Jesus has entered as a forerunner for us, having become a high priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek.”

Hebrews 10:23 ~ “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful;”

Note:  All scripture references are from the New American Standard version with emphasis added.

Are you still with me? My prayer is that you are! I don’t want to leave this post to end with the Scriptures in case some of you opt to skip over it! It’s great to read all of these Scriptures but it has to move beyond head knowledge to heart knowledge. So let’s quickly summarize some of the things we can see in these passages starting from the top by taking words directly from the text...

1.  Our hope must be IN the Lord.
2. Our hope is FROM the Lord.
3. Hope and praise go together.
4. Our hope is IN His Word (the Bible).
5. His plans for us are of welfare, not calamity; to give us a future and a hope.
6. We have hope in God’s lovingkindnesses – they never cease. His compassions never fail.
7. The Lord is our portion therefore we have hope in Him.
8. We exult in hope of the glory of God.
9. Hope comes out of character proven by persevering through tribulations.
10. Hope does not disappoint!
11. In hope we have been saved.
12. Hope is something unseen.
13. We have hope through the encouragement and instruction of Scripture.
14. We need to boast of our hope firm until the end.
15.  The hope we have is an anchor of the soul.
16. The hope we have is steadfast.
17. We need to hold fast the confession of our hope WITHOUT wavering.

Isn’t it beautiful, the things we see when we slow down and digest these verses! In my darkest of moments, and trust me, they are real, I cling to the promises in His Word and am revived and comforted (Psalm 119:50). I also fix my eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen...for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:18)

One other sweet reminder of hope is the Build-a-Bear we made together after we found out that baby vdh went to be with Jesus. This bear is by no way a replacement of the life we looked forward to bringing into this world, but having the baby’s 8 week heartbeat inside is a constant reminder that this sweet heart is still beating...actually it NEVER stopped beating.

By no means do I want this blog post to seem like I have it all together – I don’t.  I am certain this has been and will continue to be one of the toughest circumstances we have faced thus far in married life. No, we definitely don’t understand our long journey or our loss, but God does and because He is El Roi, the God who sees and El Shaddai, the all-sufficient one, we run with ALL we are into His arms.

I knew when I picked up a pen to write that there would be no stopping...more to come as the Lord leads. Feel free to leave a comment or a note. Encouragement helps my soul press on and keep writing!

In Him,

Rachel