April Fool's Day Reflection

My mind can't escape it. Tomorrow is April Fool's Day...a day I could have cared less about until last year when we received the phone call that after a 5.5 year journey and countless trips to a clinic in a city at least 45 minutes away that we were indeed pregnant. I remember sitting on the couch not sure whether to laugh or cry and then contemplating how I was going to call Bram to tell him. It was a surreal moment...

Many of you tracked with our journey and shared in our excitement when we let the word out about the little one that was growing inside of me just a few short weeks later! Hearing his/her heartbeat for the first time was one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard.

At our scheduled 12 week appointment we were anxious to hear the little ones heartbeat again only to receive the news that we had miscarried this sweet life. Devastation. I can still remember laying on the ultrasound table crying out to God holding Bram's hand and weeping. Our little Jaiden Skylar had gone to be with Jesus, healed and whole...yet we felt soo sooo broken.

Here we are a year later, having grown tremendously through such a difficult journey but grateful that the Lord has blessed us with a second pregnancy where I will be 32 weeks tomorrow. It's truly humbling each day to feel our son's movements inside yet I am so aware of how long I have waited for this feeling and so aware that there are many who will read this, where this may seem like a fleeting dream. My heart is with each one of you, please know that!

My reflection comes tonight in thinking about our approaching due date - May 27th. The same week last year where we learned of the loss of our first baby. Some may say coincidence, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my God is faithful. This due date is still 8 weeks away and every fibre of my being is aware that I am not in control. But each day I study the Word, I learn and affirm that God IS in control. He is sovereign over ALL things and no matter what lies ahead, I will trust His plan. I choose to reject the worry and thoughts that want to plague me on a regular basis. I have seen His faithfulness through this pregnancy. Just when I begin to be concerned, our son gives a big kick and I am again brought to my knees in honour of the One who has entrusted this little life to us.

Bram and I speak often of how excited we are to meet this little man and how our prayers are that of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1:

26 She said, “Oh, my lord! As your soul lives, my lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you, praying to the Lord.27 For this boy I prayed, and the Lord has given me my petition which I asked of Him. 28 So I have also dedicated him to the Lord; as long as he lives he is dedicated to the Lord.” And he worshiped the Lord there.

To those of you who still face the struggle of infertility, I know there is nothing that anyone (including myself) can say to take away the pain and sadness you feel so regularly. My prayer is that through all the pain you would seek the Lord and His Word. It has been through my study of the Word of God that I have begun to see God's character and how great His love is for me even when I struggle with the circumstances around me. Run into His arms with all you are. He WILL sustain you and give you wisdom in how to proceed in your journey.

Blessings friends!

Rachel